Washington (AP) – In a stunning announcement this morning on The Today Show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told host Matt Lauer she will leave the Administration and challenge Barack Obama for the 2012 Democrat Presidential nomination.
Okay when I first saw this I thought to myself… Is it April Fool’s Day instead of Good Friday?? Is this a joke?? Or did the GOP and America just catch a break… a Democratic primary race? After I read it… I realized it was a satirical piece~
Transcript follows:
LAUER: Thanks for coming on, Madame Secretary. Let’s get right to it: will you seek the Presidency next year?
CLINTON: Yes, Matt. Our country’s heading in the wrong direction way too fast. We must slow down if we wish to delay our collapse by a couple of decades. So I’m reporting for duty.
LAUER: Opens you up to a disloyalty charge.
CLINTON: Somebody has to speak up. Obama’s poll numbers suggest we’re on track to lose both the White House and Senate, Matt. Meanwhile, my numbers are in the stratosphere, mainly because people like you have generously ignored my disastrous tenure at State.
LAUER: [blushing] Well, it’s what we do, Ma’m.
CLINTON: Last week, I offered the President an option to avoid a primary battle. He rejected it.
LAUER: What option?
CLINTON: Replace Biden on the ticket with me. I’d rally the troops. We’d win and, at the least, retain the Senate. Then Obama does the mother of all end runs around the Constitution and names me CP—Co-President. In January, 2012, we take the oath together and deliver dual inaugural addresses.
LAUER: But Republicans would . . . .
CLINTON: We hold the DOJ, Matt. Holder can stonewall Congress until the cows come home. And Obama’s been thumbing his nose at the courts, too, which you’ve successfully avoided reporting. No balance, no check.
LAUER: [beaming] We have done yeoman’s work in keeping the masses in the dark about this guy. Why didn’t the President buy your proposal?
CLINTON: He balked at some minor details: my portfolio as CP to include oversight of Justice, State, Defense, Treasury, Homeland Security, and Health and Human Services. He’d get Agriculture, Veterans’ Affairs, whatever’s left.
LAUER: Oh.
CLINTON: I also wanted him to support my play to take back my Senate seat and replace Reid as Majority Leader in the new Congress, guaranteeing unprecedented cooperation between the Senate and the White House.
LAUER: Indeed. How would a shared Presidency have worked?
CLINTON: I’d operate in the Oval Office weekdays and during crises. Air Force One and The Residence: my perks. The Obamas could stay in the Lincoln Bedroom when I wasn’t hosting donor sleepovers. We’d work out some sort of timeshare arrangement with Camp David.
LAUER: That’s a little . . . .
CLINTON: I retained Bob Bennett to write a political pre-nuptial codifying the arrangement. When Obama demurred, the window closed.
LAUER: So, how will you run your campaign?
CLINTON: I’ll focus on women and men who like to be dominated by women. That’s more than half the electorate. I’ll talk about whipping the country into shape, beating inflation, thrashing our enemies. I’d be an Amazonadominatrix: females will admire my strength; males will want me and fear me.
LAUER: Would former President Obama be part of a Clinton Administration?
CLINTON: U. N. Ambassador, Matt. He’d lead the fight against U. S. hegemony.
LAUER: What about . . . Bill?
CLINTON: Always comes back to him, doesn’t it? Even when he philanders, he’s so hound-dog likable. He sucks up my oxygen. Not this go-round, however.
LAUER: Why not?
CLINTON: Pity’s gotten me this far. Time for me to show fire in the belly. Just before the first primary, I’ll arrange for Bill to be seen with another woman. Instead of standing by my man, I toss his things in the snow at Chappaqua, in front of the cameras. My marital Sister Souljah moment.
LAUER: Forgive me, Madame Secretary, but aren’t you forgetting the, uh, the . . . .
CLINTON: The Black vote? No, Matt. I’m good there. My history in the civil rights movement predates Obama’s birth. I never told anyone this before, but I was on the balcony of the Lorraine Motel when Dr. King was felled by the sniper.
LAUER: You were?
CLINTON: I had taken some time off from Wellesley to follow him and join the struggle. I saw the sniper’s gun barrel an instant before he fired and threw myself in front of Dr. King to take the bullet. I was too late.
LAUER: I never knew.
CLINTON: Reverend Jackson thought it would be best if I left before the media arrived. I hitched a ride to California and a few days later marched with Cesar Chavez in Sacramento. These memories are burned into my brain, Matt. They’ve stayed with me long after film and eyewitness accounts discredited them.
LAUER: I’m troubled, Ma’m. You’re forcing me and my colleagues to choose between you and Obama.
CLINTON: Pass this message along, Matt—full disclosure, I got the idea from Wisconsin unions: any expression of support by friendly media for Obama 44 will deeply offend Clinton 45. Just so you know, Soros is in my corner. The other day he said, “Highness, give me da verd, und I buy Disney, GE, ZBS, und ZNN, zen I clean house.” Choose your horse, Matt.
*** Just so you know, Soros is in my corner. The other day he said, “Highness, give me da verd, und I buy Disney, GE, ZBS, und ZNN, zen I clean house.*** For anyone out there who thinks this part is a joke… it’s not!! Hillary has always been Soros’ girl and a vote for Hillary would be no better than a vote for Obama, maybe worse because she is smarter!! A vote for either one of them is a vote for Globalism, anti-2nd Amendment, anti-parental rights, and the list goes on!! If you have any doubt, be sure to read: The Shadow Party: How George Soros, Hillary Clinton, and Sixties Radicals Seized Control of the Democratic Party ***
Source: Big Journalism
